What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize