I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
