I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
