Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
