She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
