i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
