Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
