put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
