When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
