Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my vag is so smooth its legendary
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
