Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
