Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
