I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
im holly from the hills drunk
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize