do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Please don't give away my fajitas
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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