he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
