Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
