His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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