Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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