So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
