Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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