So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
