I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
