I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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