You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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