Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
