Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
