So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
This house was built for laser tag.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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