Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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