so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
