How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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