i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
