remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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