Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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