i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
