I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
