If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
