mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
