you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i think i have herpe
just one?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
is it fun? or sober?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
