I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
