Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
