He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
