I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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