Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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