I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
