Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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