This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
