I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
