Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You ruined the universe
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
