Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
