there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
