Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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