i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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