I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Randomize
