Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
