The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize