i can't believe i had my finger in that
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
