That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
