I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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