i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
