he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
