dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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