Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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