I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
