so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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