I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
