My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
