worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
