Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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