When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
